What is it we say? You’re Toast?

“Looks like the boat’s been hit?”  You think??  It’s a miracle YOU haven’t been hit, Ken…


Well, this is a fine kettle of fish, isn’t it?  Mark, for all your hot-dogging around, you have now put yourself in a real bind… but that’s OK, we need to move this along and find out who the real baddies are…  Considering Mark is used to dealing with occasional poachers, turtle egg stealers, two bit larcenists, and capitalists ready to repent, this is going to be a brand new challenge- pure, megalomaniacal, out-for-world-domination evil!   Takes on a whole new dimension- James Bond, where are you?  I can see it now- “The name is Trail… MARK Trail…”

…and now you’re just being stupid!

Seriously, Mark, use your head!!  What have you learned from all your days in the woods? That Nature has endowed its creatures with their own special strengths and gifts- right now yours is SPEED!  Does the box turtle try to out run the fox?  no!  A turtle will pull itself into its shell and wait out the attack.  Does the Hare stand still when being attacked? No! it RUNS!!


And what do you have to show for all your guile (or lack of)?  Bullet holes in your back-end and probably in your engine, which will now allow yourself to be captured and well, who knows what-all… Well, it’s probably for the best as this story line needs to include the real villain, monologuing about world domination… and a hefty bill going back to Woods and Wildlife Magazine Editor Bill Ellis for yet another destroyed boat!!

Oh Mark, now you’re just showing off…

Is that Ken squealing like the pig in the GEICO commercials?  or is is the final hench-man about to go under??  OK that’s a stretch… the pig goes “WEE, WEE, WEEEEE all the way <home,> and someone here said, “AAAHHH…” but it’s the best I can come up with before the coffee kicks in…


But really?  that boat is heeled over so far I doubt the prop is even making contact with the water…  but no matter, the laws of physics and naval architecture mean nothing in this world…

What’s that you say, Mark? a HARD turn?

Oh, Mark, never content (anymore at least) to run away from danger, you are now facing it head on and won’t be happy until you have knocked all the bad guys off their “vehicles…”  I get your challenge with finding the rights words, Mark, I don’t know what to call them either…


With all the red-necks on sea-ATV’s dispatched, will Mark turn toward the mother ship?  Is he that crazy??  Can Ken talk some sense into him?  Ken has a lot to be worried about- he only has a river in his name, not like Mark who has a comic strip named for him… One of you is disposable, the other not… besides it would seem that Mark has no compunction about leaving angry women in his wake…  and would not find it difficult to break the news to Kelly that her man is down!

Like bringing a knife to a gun fight!

Good thing Mark popped for the model with the bullet-proof hull!!  Sort of like opting for the “never-lost” unit in the Hertz rental prior to smartphones and Siri helping us all get around…  All this excitement might have left a scratch or two on the clear-coat, but heck, it’s all for a good cause!  As Mark rams into ATV-2, we see the driver losing saliva in copious amounts as his automatic weapon goes flying and his craft is reduced to scrap…


Sorry for the delay, kids… out of town for the weekend…  Back to work tomorrow and more bone-crushing action in the Trail-verse!!

These guys must be a REALLY bad shot…

Strafing fire with a fully automatic Israeli submachine gun/pistol (Uzi 9mm, I am thinking…) and they are not even stopping the Trail!!  What the…?


But OK, we’ll go with it…  Mark needs to run Mr. Aqua-ATV over and get the heck outa there!  For the record, yes, Mark IS getting attacked this time, unlike the encounters he had down inthe deep, where he was the aggressor.

On a watery note, I watched a movie the other night, Pressure, on NetFlix.  It was actually really good.  Starred Danny Houston, recognizable as the saxophone playing, jazz and catfish loving Ax-Man in American Horror Story- Coven.  Called upon my two greatest phobias- enclosed spaces and getting trapped underwater with seemingly no way to escape…  introduced the topic of Full Saturation Diving… really interesting.